Laying in bed tonight I find myself once again failing at a standard practice. I am all keyed up and anxious. I ask my brain to find some place, maybe imaginary, maybe just a safe little nook of thought, someplace safe.... My brain starts down a path, and within in a few minutes I am back to anxiety, and that seemingly safe thought has found its way to a trigger. I keep trying, with different starting places of thought, but I keep getting back to the inevitable destination, Anxiety.
When your whole childhood world was full of anxiety and sexual abuse, then pretty much any item or object experienced leads its way back to the realities of abuse.
In counseling we do this practice where we try to imagine a safe place in our minds... mine collapses eventually and can not stay a free place, free from anxiety... I don't have that much power over my thoughts... They keep going back to what they know, which is anxiety.
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