Friday, January 10, 2014

My Good Friend Laura - An amazing Survivor of so many things.

I want to tell you about someone amazing that I know, Laura. But as I started to write about her I realized that her words tell her story the best. Below is Laura's story as I compiled it from our many communications.


"I have restrictive lung disease ,heart failure and sleep apnea. I am on a respirator and oxygen at night. I was born addicted to methamphetamine thanks to my mom, that damaged my heart and lungs while in utero. My female organs uterus, felopian tubes and ovaries are all underdeveloped. They call it bi concrete uterus (meaning two, yes I have 1 working uterus, with another non working one on top) and a septum or wall going down the middle of my working uterus. My mother took a ton of codine as well while pregnant with me! I now suffer at the hands of her selfish carelessness. I have severe violent reactions to codeine when prescribed to me. Because my body just can't handle it! Not to mention she was giving me four rittlain a day as a child for years. I never had a chance! (My daughter) was a miracle, born with no amniotic fluid at 39 weeks, she is so smart! God blessed me with her. I can't have anymore babies though. I' had to be put to sleep and undergo a c-section because I have a congenital bleeding disorder and I am far too small and underdeveloped to have a vaginal birth. As for now, I am looking at needing a heart/lung transplant in the future, while my mother continues to abuse the heck out of her body and seems to live through it? As for me, popping one pain pill will send my heart rate into 140's and my blood pressure plummets far to low! I don't want you to feel however, that I am anything like my mother, wrapped around medical illness and me, me, me!"
"I am strong, and take care of my body, eat right, pray, go to church. My world is wrapped around (my daughter's) proper upbringing, I want her to have all that I did not. I don't make my burdens hers, as far as I go with her she thinks of me as healthy and strong. Lord knows My family can produce some crazy people, so I keep us normal and stable!" "My mother abandoned me, neglected me and chose drugs over me! I lost the chance at having a mother. All for pills! I deal with a ton of pain, I still don't take pain pills! No one ever knows when I am in pain and you can't tell. I just tough it out! She has no excuse to have ever been a drug addict, and as far as she claims, it's everybody elses fault!" "I do my best to stay away from man made prescriptions because I want to give (my daughter) all of me. The Valium was a giant leap for me, I was unable to bend forward because of a muscle spasm, the doctors in the ER gave me some crazy strong meds and I could still feel full blown pain. God is good all the time though, even when we suffer it is only meant to strengthen us for what lies ahead." "I can see now that my mother is obviously autistic/ Aspergers , she rocked herself, couldn't stand certain lights/sounds/ couldn't cry with tears/ and her obsession with certain subjects, the repeating of things and she has no empathy for others pain, it's all about her and if you talk about yourself she brings herself back into the fold."

"My parents moved out and left me when I was 14 , they moved to a separate house and I was in a shed like apartment. When I met (my first husband) he was 17 years older than me and it took 14 years to escape his control with the help of police after (my husband) chased (my daughter) and I with a gun. There is more to the horror story that would take ages to write. He was a pedophile, and told me something that made me snap and escape, he said ; every time I look at you and we have sex I see a 14 yr old ." "(My first husband) is a perv who was 17 years older than me. And I ... had sex with him when I was 14 and he was 31. I stayed with him and married him because I figured I would go to hell if I left. I ignored the fact that I was a victim. These pedophiles continue to abuse until they get caught and sometimes the system lets them get away. " "I met (my first husband) when I was 14. ... I was forced to get an abortion at 15 and my mother knew of this and okayed it all with the doctors, I am traumatized and ache for this baby to this day and I always feel like something is missing and I beg God's forgiveness all the time. And not only was I forced to get the abortion, my mother has called me a baby killer several times to top it off My brother ... Attempted to force me to have sex with him when I was around 7." "I still feel like my soul is that of a 15 yr old at times and that's when I panic. It's like part of me lives to be a mother and another part just wants to be babied for a minute ."

"(Now I live in the Mountains in California they) are like a luxury camping trip that never ends Nothing but the smell of pine and wildlife, deer, possum,fox, coyote,skunk, bobcats, and rarely mountain lions. And the birds are wonderful, I hear so many different birds and see new birds all the time, if I am lucky I can see a bald eagle when I am at one of the alpine lakes! And the trees here are spectacular... It's like little house on the Prairie here." "The people here are real country, they make their own soap, candles, jam, blankets, pies, really crafty! The Apple orchards here have festivals and your kids get to pick apples. Free museum days and the schools are under crowded, only 130 kids in (my daughters) middle school."

"Remember to take leaps if you are unhappy, if it requires change whether big or small you deserve to live a fulfilling life. If you struggle too long you are doing something wrong, God wants us to live to the fullest, see all his wonders, take daring adventures. There should never be a dull moment, I want to be able to tell God that I used everything he gave me!".

"(My Husband is) my gift from God and my dream come true!! We all dream of marrying someone we are truly in love with, many do that, but it is such a gift when that someone is truly in love with you as well! My husband takes better care of me than my parents have. I have never felt so safe, loved and wanted as I do now. All of this is due to my best friend and hero.. I am a very blessed woman!"
"With the help of my now husband... I am normal and can enjoy a love life. When parents become un-involved they hurt the kids, the kids become numb." "I had my issues with praying, Now I pray at least twice a day with a few sprinkle prayers for others who need prayers and my relationship with Christ is soo good that I actually look forward to the day that I get to see him." "I ask God for soo much and he always provides. He never fails to show me his love, even in the darkest hours and I am so grateful that I know I have a God." "Thank goodness God takes the broken, cause... that's what we are, but to God our brokenness is like a nick on a Ferrari... We are still his beautiful babies and no mater how far we stray, he keeps his hand on our heads and guides us back to him just as we do our children." "I have never wanted to look like another person, I like who I am. Occasionally I have wondered if I was unattractive and then I quickly realize, we aren't supposed to look like other people, we are made to be uniquely beautiful! Society teaches us to see beauty in perfection, but in reality it's the imperfections that I fall in love with! The more imperfect you are the more beautiful you are to me."

If people are fake love them!!~ Love them soo much that the beauty that God has given them comes to the surface! People that act fake are wounded by this world who demands false perfection. God is good, and if given the chance, most people are too!  I am so grateful that I am able to love first and wait to receive love in time, I have had family that is slow to show love, and some that have starved me of it. I love them anyways and am thankful of the knowledge that neglect has given me, I know what its like to be starved, so now I know how to feed others the love they need!  As I walk around strangers at work I find myself praying silently, so many lost, lonely people who light up with my voice and who am I? I am blessed! Blessed to have an opportunity to think of strangers and want for them to feel happiness, even if it is just for a moment 

"Our home burned to the ground... Most likely caused from the air conditioning unit. (My Daughter) and I got out just in time. Thankful for our sweet neighbors who offered help of any kind. My God is good all the time, even in crisis. My real treasures are with me and are safe and that is all I could ever wish for! Neighbors and firefighters rescued my dogs and they are safe as well." "I didn't cry out of shock or despair (the day after the fire) instead I had tears of joy. Sometimes you need to loose everything to see what you missed. I declare myself and my family blessed, Jesus will provide. My family and friends are amazing! I ask God how can I ever deserve or payback for the love we receive, the gift of holding your child in your arms, the safe feeling I have when I hold my husband's hand.. I shouldn't be happy, but right now I am happier than I have been in a long time.. Cause now I truly know what love really means!"

"(I Love my daughter and) Ya know what? I like our new home and the simple life, I don't need nice furniture and antiques, I stopped buying all that after (my daughter was) born. When (she) came along my dreams came true and my heart was filled with joy and my eyes with beauty. (She is) my treasure I would re-live every painful moment a million times just to get to the moment (she) came into my life.. (She is) my strength, my every breath.. Through all of this (she has) been a rock that symbolizes how strong my love is for (her).. No matter what life throws (her), (she) throws back a smile I am so very proud of (her), such a strong person (she is). 

 "(MRI's) This is my worst fear.. The dreaded MRI . (I had one in December 2013) for MS, the tears and sobbing gets pretty bad for me, I end up repenting for all my sins every time.. Nothing turns me into a baby like being trapped (my hsuband went) with me, his voice (reminds) me that I am not in a coffin." "My first MRI diagnosis of MS was wrong, always get second and third opinions!! My second MRI was negative of any signs of MS!!! My symptoms and brain leisons are typical of chronic cluster headaches and not getting any restorative sleep due to Narcolepsy..So Narcolepsy is the cause..Yay!! Best news ever !!! Who knew narcolepsy could cause so many symptoms ??!" "Its my narcolepsy that is causing my symptoms. I am so exhausted that my body has symptoms, such as muscle weakness, spasms headaches and vision changes.. I don't get restorative sleep. When I sleep I only experience rem, my brain doesn't produce hypocretin so my brain never rests.. I dream from the moment I close my eyes to the moment I wake. I'm a busy"

"(My husband) stood for 1 hour and gave me a 1 hour foot rub as I sobbed during the MRI procedure, claustrophobia is crippling for me.. How blessed am I?! After all the curve balls life has thrown me, I have my prince charming that loves me. Never have I felt this kind of safety and security. . I never got this in my childhood. I wouldn't change a thing.. I would take the neglect from my parents a dozen times more to get to this place with the man I love♥ Thank you to my parents who left me, your absence made the true love and support I have now immeasurable.. I am thankful to God for all I didn't receive, now I know what love really means .. I didn't miss out on you mom and dad, being and having all the things you weren't and didn't give me is far more rewarding! .. My God is good all the time, my God made me strong and my God held me and guided me to the arms of someone that knew how to love and for that I am so grateful!"

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